31w4d

31w4d



I am so bad at updating this thing! There has been quite a lot going on the past few weeks, but nothing really earth shaking! We ordered the baby furniture and it is finally here! It is just gorgeous! The carpet is getting installed on Tuesday July 7 in the morning and then after that we can set everything up and start getting really ready! It is finally hitting me how close we're really getting! Just a little over 8 weeks! We got our glider and pack and play tonight so I think we have everything we "need" for when the baby comes home! Maybe some more diapers considering we only have one packet, but I plan to take as many from the hospital as I can fit into my bag that I'm taking! haha!

Bradley classes have been going great! I love them so much and look forward to every Tuesday! Our teacher is just wonderful - she is an encyclopedia of information! The people in our class are really nice too! Sometimes I get annoyed with Sam because he is always running his mouth, but after 4 years with someone you learn to tune most of it out! Too bad the other people probably don't have that skill yet!


The closer it gets to d-day, the more I miss my mom. You would think 4 years after her death things would be healing (if not healed), and I would have days where I miss her, but over all be pretty well through the grief process. It seems every year it gets worse and worse. In class tonight tonight we were practing our relaxation and the instructor told us to go to our "happy place" - this is a "place" I had never gone to before (mentally) and without even thinking I was suddenly a 16 year old girl sitting in the kitchen with her mom again talking about everything under the moon. Now I can't stop thinking about my mom at all. I even pulled out her bottle of perfume that I kept tonight and smelled it for like 30 minutes and just sat on the bathroom floor and cried. I don't know what is going on with me! It must be the hormones, because I am not usually this big of a cry baby! It is almost 4:00AM and I can't sleep because I can't stop thinking about all the things I said to my mom growing up that I never should have, and how someday my baby will probably say the same awful things to me and I only hope I can be as half as forgiving as my mom was.

I heard a song a few weeks ago that I never paid much attention to, but we heard it on the way home from class tonight and I realized how perfect it was at explaining my feelings on missing my mom. It's called Address in the Stars but Caitlin & Will.

I have been listening to it on repeate for 2 hours. I think that is the point at which I need to turn off iTunes and try to get some sleep!


Tomorrow is a new day, and I know my mom will give me the strength I need to get through all of this without her (physically) there by my side!